'Tis the Season

  In the aftermath of the Oregon and Connecticut shootings, I wasn't surprised to find the school parking lots full of parents picking up their kids yesterday. After dropping off my brother for swim practice, the radio DJ caught my attention, talking about this very same thing happening across the nation, and in his own town. What really caught my attention was the DJ's perspective. Of course, he was thankful for the chance to spend more time with his children. But beyond that, the announcer explained how he was even grateful for his far-off parking lot, and the ability he had to walk the distance to meet his children at the door.

   Its not that uncommon to recall the things that we are grateful for. We even have a holiday-Thanksgiving-dedicated to things we are thankful for. But how often do we thank God for the things that we don't enjoy? Expressing gratitude for a delicious meal is easy. Saying "thank you" in response to a kind act is not hard. But God has not called us to merely thank him for the good things of life.
 
   Just like the pagans who only love the friends who love them (Matthew 5:46-47), American Christians have formed a culture of thanklessness. We have moments when we recognize the grace of God. But if we only thank him for the obvious blessings in our lives, how are we any different from those who don't thank him for anything at all?

"Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all that it should be
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name."
~Blessed Be Your Name, Matt Redman

In light of these words, I've created my own list. A unique compilation of the things that I am grateful for. They make me who I am, remind me who I was, and point me to who I could be.

What am I thankful for?

1. Relationships of the past. Because of the lessons they've taught be.
2. Headaches. Because the pain makes me more grateful for the times that I don't have any.
3. A dysfunctional family. Because I actually have one. And they love me, even if I don't always see it the way they show it.
4. Lack of money. This one is relative. I may not have much money compared to my neighbor a few houses down, but compared to my Central American neighbor a few countries down, I am rich.
5. Cold temperatures. They may make my hands go numb, but they might bring snow? And I have blankets, gloves, and heating. More than most.
6. School bills. Ugh, this is a hard one. But...am I blessed to attend Cedarville University, or what?
7. 20 hours of work next week. Less than I'd like, but I'll still be making money.
8. Insomnia. Because it reminds me of my total reliance on God for my needs.
9. Backaches. They mean that my nerves are working. Not everybody has that.
10. Rejection letters. Because they mean that I tried, and that puts me one step ahead of most people.

Fire + Gasoline

Sometimes I wonder if the way I deal with things is healthy. I spend so much time talking to God about my problems. But am I focusing on them too much? Is this obsessing fostering my bitterness? 

As I come off another round of listening to music that encourages my downward spiraling mood (instead of music that might uplift my spirits), I find myself agreeing with every artist. Maybe every song doesn't completely apply to my life story, but I can always find a line that suits me.

Chris Young's "Tomorrow" is a perfect example. No, I'm not living with a boyfriend in a broken, on-again-off-again relationship. But, oh, the eloquence of the chorus.

"We're like fire and gasoline, I'm no good for you, you're no good for me. We only bring each other tears and sorrow." 

Yes, this makes me think of a past romantic relationship. But some days, it seems like so much more. 

Ever since this relationship ended, I have really struggled with people in general. I'm afraid to invest when the risks are so high and I've been burned before. Even more so, I fear the damage that I might do to them. 

I feel so needy. So much so, its toxic. I feel like the fire in the song that could spark at any moment, consuming everything that surrounds it.

I do not know if it is selfishness, self-preservation, or concern for others that discourages me from opening up to others once again. Maybe I don't feel worthy. Maybe I don't trust them. Maybe its a combination of the two.

All I really know is that I have a long road ahead to travel.

Solo Christo. Christ alone. Only in Him can I find my sufficiency.

Late Nights, Early Mornings

Today I wrapped up May Term. By "today", I mean yesterday. I haven't actually ended my day with sleep yet. At around 10 pm this evening, the few of us remaining in the house made stir fry, and then watched a long action movie. You would think that movie is what is keeping me up. But there are other things on my mind at 3:21 in the morning. So I pull up Hulu and watch another episode of Criminal Minds. I'll be able to sleep in the car tomorrow, so I'll be fine. Eventually.

Over You

Over You   by Miranda Lambert

Weather man said it's gonna snow,By now I should be used to the cold.Mid-February shouldn't be so scary.It was only December,I still remember the presents, the tree, you and me.
But you went away,How dare you?I miss you.They say I'll be okay,But I'm not going to ever get over you.
Living alone, here in this place,I think of you and I'm not afraid.Your favorite records make me feel better,Cause you sing along with every song.
I know you didn't mean to give them to me.
But you went away,How dare you?I miss you.They say I'll be okay,But I'm not going to ever get over you.
It really sinks in, you know,When I see it in stone
'Cause you went awayHow dare you?I miss you.They say I'll be okay,But I'm not going to ever get over you.

"Over You" is a mournful tune, remembering hurtful losses of the past. The beginning likens the cold of winter to the loneliness she feels. Memories of Christmas celebrations and songs sung together are brought to the surface.


The chorus cuts to the heart of the heart of the emotions. "How dare you?", the singer asks in anger. Any listener can identify with the pain and bitterness Miranda expresses. 


The part of the song that startled me was the bridge: "It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone." I had assumed the song was about an ex. Instead, this pain is deeper. They loved each other. But he hadn't just left. He was taken from her.


The gravestone mentioned in the song actually has the name Shelton on it. Many think that refers to Blake Shelton, Lambert's husband. According to the couple, however, the song was co-written by the two of them in memory of Shelton's brother who died in a car accident. Shelton found that the song made him to emotional to sing, and it seemed to be written from more of a female perspective, so Lambert was chosen to sing it.

"Over You" has become a hit because it resonates with every heart that has broken because of a break up or a death of a loved one. This guarantees a large audience of sympathetic listeners. I was certainly won over.

Riding with Private Malone

Riding with Private Malone

"I was just out of the service, thumbing through the classifieds/
When an ad that said: 'Old Chevy' somehow caught my eye/
The lady didn't know the year,or even if it ran/
But I had that thousand dollars in my hand.

It was way back in the corner of this old ramshackle barn/
Thirty years of dust and dirt on that green army tarp/
When I pulled the cover off, it took away my breath/
What she called a Chevy was a '66 Corvette.

I felt a little guilty as I counted out the bills/
But what a thrill I got when I sat behind the wheel/
I opened up the glove box and that's when I found the note/
The date was '1966' and this is what it wrote:

He said,'My name is Private Andrew Malone/
If you're reading this,then I didn't make it home/
But for every dream that shattered,another one comes true/
This car was once a dream of mine,now it belongs to you/
And though you may take her and make her your own/
You'll always be riding with Private Malone.'

Well it didn't take me long at all, I had her running good/
I loved to hear those horses thunder underneath her hood/
I had her shining like a a diamond and I'd put the rag top down/
All the pretty girls would stop and stare as I drove her through town.

The buttons on the radio didn't seem to work quite right/
But it picked up that oldies show,especially late at night/
I'd get the feeling sometimes, if I turned real quick I'd see/
A soldier riding shotgun in the seat right next to me.

It was a young man named Private Andrew Malone/
Who fought for his country and never made it home/
But for every dream that's shattered, another one comes true/
This car was once a dream of his, back when it was new/
He told me to take her and make her my own/
And I was proud to be riding with Private Malone.

One night it was raining hard, I took the curve too fast/
I still don't remember much about that fiery crash/
Someone said they thought they saw a soldier pull me out/
They didn't get his name, but I know without a doubt:

It was a young man named Private Andrew Malone/
Who fought for his country and never made it home/
But for every dream that's shattered,another one comes true/
This car was once a dream of his, back when it was new/
I know I wouldn't be here if he hadn't tagged along/
That night I was riding with Private Malone/

Thank God I was riding with Private Malone."

There are many reasons why I like country music. I enjoy its folksy language, its storytelling nature, and its reverence of the US Armed Forces. These are all evidenced in this song. "Riding with Private Malone" is a bittersweet song about a fallen soldier who's cherished Corvette is prized by a man from the next generation. 

While country music prides itself on telling the "real stories" of the everyday American, this song taps into the imagination of every sucker for a good ending by bringing back Malone's ghost to save the singer's life from a fiery crash. At this time of year, as we come to Memorial Day, "Riding with Private Malone" is an even more poignant example pointing to the service and sacrifice of our troops.

Resurrection

After some thought, I have decided to resume blogging. Instead of starting a completely new blog, I resurrected this one and gave it a face-lift. Hope you enjoy my posts as I share my thoughts.